Finding peace in taking risks

What a crazy few months it has been for me. If you are finding yourself on this blog I hope you read to the end because these personal life updates carry with them such gems you can practice in your own lives to find peace in the risks you take to be happy. If you are only interested in the next few yoga classes, scroll all the way down :)

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Overt the last few months I have found what makes me happy. I love to teach and share my passion with people. I love bringing together a community of like minded people to celebrate and cultivate new friendships. Most of all, I love being active. 

For so long in my life I fought all of those things that I love because they weren't the normal way to make a living. I was supposed to go to college, find a husband, get a good corporate job, pay off my loans, buy a house, have a few kids and happily garden into my middle age. No one ever told me that I could make a choice to do what I love and be abundant. It just wasn't talked about. 

Looking back now I don't know why I ever tried to make that my life. Before I move forward, let me say that the path I mentioned above is a beautiful one. If it is what your soul desires. It's honestly a blessed life. A life full of abundance. But at the end of the day if you have all those things and you still aren't happy, it begs the questions.... whats going on?

I wrestled with self doubt and ungratefulness. I had a life that so many people would completely give anything to have, yet I was so unhappy. The drive to work, the alarm clock when its still dark, the cubicle, the commute home. All of it was slowly making more unhappy by the day. 

And then, I found yoga. 

My path to yoga was a crooked one. I always looked at yoga as a "fake" work out. I had grown up in endurance sports and spent most of my time trying to reach an optimal heart rate with equally strong lungs. Timing my accomplishments and measuring the outcomes. But one day, it wasn't fun anymore. I turned to yoga as a way to pick up a part time job along side my corporate position because... San Diego. Its law here that you have to do yoga and own a dog (it's not really but a stroll in Ocean Beach might make you wonder if it is haha). 

I entered yoga teacher training with all my type A tendencies ready to take charge and dominate. I was told by so many that it was a growth experience. I actually rolled my eyes every time someone told me this because, helllooo its just a part time job in spandex.

Isn't that cute? I laugh at this version of myself now. What I learned in teacher training was that it was an actual journey. For people who are type A, we tend to turn inward and slow down, for people who are shy, they find their voice. There is always a transformation no matter who you are or what your goal was for doing the training. You will get a swift kick in the tush to take you to wherever it is you need to be learn more deeply about yourself and the things you are ignoring. 

I remember so clearly during my training wondering how I could make this into something I did every day. It took a while but my focus shifted and I realized what it was that was making me unhappy. It was that I was forcing myself into a life that wasn't aligned with what I really wanted. I was good at my job, I had great numbers, but it wasn't feeding my soul. My theory on working, which my dear best friend gave to me, is that you have to either fill your soul or fill your bank account. If what you are doing isn't meeting one of those needs, move on and move on fast. 

At this point in my journey It was about mid December. I had been teaching donation based community yoga for a few months and building the community that I so desired. I went to my favorite yoga studio one night and the thought "give me the courage to follow my dreams" just repeated in my head over and over to the point that I was in tears by the time we got to savasana. I felt this desire to reach out and ask for help. This was a new thing for me. 

Well I got my answer. Loud and full force. My new years eve classes filled up so fast that I had to add in 4 additional classes to bring yoga to the community that the universe sent me. And it was in that moment that I found my peace in the risk. I was living authentically and in line with my heart for the first time in a long time and the ease that followed was undeniable. 

I started to plan a way to leave my corporate job and in May I did just that. I planned for months, added a schedule of classes at a local community college and gym. I added bookkeeping clients to my schedule and within that time I felt motivated to keep reaching for more. I found my creative energy and was finally feeding my soul. 

Its a risk. A huge one. I know this. I promise you its not lost on me. 

I am currently working harder than I ever have to build out this dream of mine. I am waking up in the middle of the night with ideas and goals. I am building a network of friends that are true and authentic. 

So now what? Why am I sharing this?

Because you can do this too. As I said in this weeks newsletter, I'm not advising that you go into work and quit your job. But I am advising that you take a moment to sit in stillness and listen to your heart. What feels authentic to you? What are you ignoring? What risks are you afraid to take because the life you have is comfortable? Our time on this planet is short. I feel like I blinked and I was in my 30s. How many more blinks until I'm 40 or 50? How will I look back and feel when I knew I was unhappy but stayed on an unhappy path. 

You have to take the risk. You have to take the chance. If you want to take a trip to that place on your pinterest board, book the flight. If you want to take on a project at work, speak up. If you are worried about what people will say, don't tell them and do it anyway. 

Living your life according to the "supposed to" is a sure fire way to take you to a place that feels lifeless and unhappy. What are you willing to risk to find peace? 

If you know that answer, start now. 

 

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Upcoming classes

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Vine-Yasa: Yoga Class, Pour a glass

June 2nd, 11am. All levels welcome at this vinyasa flow in San Diego's only Beach Winery, Gianni Buonomo Vintners. Tickets $20 include a glass of wine after class. Space limited to 20 people, get your tickets today! http://bit.ly/2IJg5W7

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Sundays on Sunset Cliffs weekly at 11 am

Classes on the cliffs resume on June 10th. Weekly at 11 am. Check our facebook events for more details here: http://bit.ly/YogaJawnFBevents

Jackie Kowalik